親愛的母親 dear (第2/7頁)
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Weweresittingonthegliderswinginthebackyard。Itwasalovelymorning，coolthereintheshade，andtheairwasfulloffragrancefromyourrosegarden。IwasholdingJana，whoseemedtoenjoythegentlemovementoftheswing。
ButIwasntenjoyinganythingjustthen。Idhadaroughnight。Janawassixweeksoldandhadbeenueveryfewhours。I，fretfulandnervousasonlyanewmothercanbe，hadbeenhavingtroublefallingbacktosleebetweenherfeedings。Iwascrankyandtired，andnotfeelingcheerfulaboutthismotherhoodbusinessatall。
Sittingontheglider，wetalked-orrather，Italked，lettingloosemyloadofanxietyandfrustrationsonyou。Andoutoftheblue，youreachedovertotouchmyhair。
“Itssoretty。”yousaid，anoddexressiononyourface。“Thewaythesunishittingitjustnow……Inevernoticedyouhadsomanyredhighlightsbefore。”
Alittleembarrassed，reoccuiedwithotherthoughtsandroblems，Ishruggedoffyourcomment。IdontknowwhatIsaid，somethingshortanddismissive，nodoubt，asIwavedawaythecomliment。Butyourwordsaffectedme。Ithadbeenalongtimesincesomeonehadseensomethingtrulybeautifulinme，andIwasleased。
IthastakenmethislongtorealizethatthelookyougavemethatdayisthesamelookIgiveheralmostdaily。Anditmakesmewonder:IsitossiblethatyoustillseethemiracleinmethatIseeinJana?Doesthemagiccontinueevenwhenyourchildrenaregrownandgoneandarentsthemselves?WillIlookatJanainthirtyyearsandstillfeelthesamerushofloveforherthatIdonow?
Italmosthurtstothinkofthatkindoflove。Itstoovulnerable，toofragile。Iknowwellthebarriersthatsringubetweenarentsandtheirchildrenovertheyears，thefrictions，themisunderstandings，thedailyconflictsandstruggles，theinevitableullingawayandfinalbreakforindeendence。IachetothinkthatsomedayJanawillgrowuandwaveawaymytentativewordsofloveasIdidyours。
Whathaenstothatfirststrongrushoflove?Isitlostsomewherealongtheway，buriedbeneaththeroutineracticalitiesofcaringforagrowingchild?Orisitthereallalongunvoicedandunexressed，until，erhas，anewchildisbornandamotherreachesouttotouchherdaughtershair?
That，itseemstome，istherealmiracle:thewayamothersloveisrediscovered，reeated，assedonagainandagain-asithasbeenhandeddowninourlivesfromyoutome，frommetoJana，andfromJana，erhas，toherownchildren。Itisagiftinitself。
IguesswhatIvebeenmeaningtosayallalongis，thanks，Mom。
