女兒結婚了 father f the bride (第1/6頁)
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佚名Anonymous
Marryingoffyourdaughtertoastrangercanbethemostexhilaratingandexaseratingexerience。Mystoryisasimleoneandtruetothetimesofthisera。Theweddingconsistedofthreesetsofarents:mysecondwifeandme，myex-wifeandhersouse，andthegroomsarentswhoactuallyhadthestaminatostaymarriedtoeachotherfortwenty-fouryears。WheneoleaskmehowlongIvebeenmarriedtomywife，Ialwayssaytwenty-threeyears，eventhoughithasonlybeenten。Why?Itseasierformetoaddbothofmymarriagestogethertoachievemyidealnumber;anumberIllremember。Iwasmarriedforthirteenyearstomyfirstwifeandtentomysecond，therefore，Ivebeenwearingtheballandchainforquitesometime。
IfirstmetRandy，myson-in-lawtobe，atthetuxedorentalsho。Iwasickingumytuxandshoesforthewedding，stillunabletofigureoutwhymywifesentovereighthundreddollarsonherdresswhenIdbeforcedtowearatuxandshoesthatnumerousbodieshadbeeninside，whenthreeyoungmencameinandsoketotheclerkbehindthecounter。Theystatedtheyweretheretoickutheir“monkeysuits”fortheWebsterwedding。Ilookedatallthreeofthemanddecided，whichoneIwantedtobemyson-in-law。Tomydismay，mychoicedidntcorresondwithmydaughters。Myson-in-lawwasthetall，lankyonewithsikedhairandasmallgoatee。Hisaearancemademewonderwhatmygrandchildrenwouldlooklike。Healsolookedveryhungoverfromhisbachelorartythenightbefore。Iintroducedmyself，andhenervouslygrabbedhistux。Theencouragedisaearedtothebackdressingroom。IassumedthecowardswouldstaythereuntilIdleft，Iassumedcorrectly。
Mynextstowastheweddinghall，whereIwasexectedtoayanenormoussumofmoneytofeedandintoxicatemanyeole。Theever-leasingofficemanager，Noelle，askedmeifIdliketoseetheweddingroom。Onceinside，IlookedaroundandinformedNoellethattherewassomethingwrongrightaway。Sheinquiredwhatthatmightbe。ItoldherIdidntseeabroomcloset，astherewouldbemanywitchesattendingthewedding，meaningmyexandallmyex-in-laws。Noelledidntlaughatmyhumor，butIchuckledtomyself。Ifnothingelse。Idoamusemyself。
Thedayofthewedding，mydaughter，Jenny，decidedtohavebothhermother，myex-wife，andmewalkherdowntheaisle。Iwasdisleasedatfirst，butIwasforcedtoagreethatitwasJennysweddingandnotmine，eventhoughIaidforeverything。Thatwasanotherdilemma，Ididhavetoayforeverything。Ididntlanthewedding，ickouttheweddingchael，theweddingdress，themenu，oreventhegroom。Itseemedthatneithermyex-wifenorthegroomsarentsseemedtohaveanymoney。Iwasbeginningtofeelsetu，eseciallywhenthesmilingNoellefollowedmearoundeverywhereIwent，robablywonderingifIhadanothercreditcardthathadntbeenmaxedout。
Walkingyourdaughterdowntheaisletowardwhatyouerceivetobeisthewrongguyforherisahorriblefeeling。Ilookedoveratherfaceandshewasbeaming。Uaheadmyson-in-lawtobewasbeaming。IsmiledbrightlyforthehotograherandfoundmyselfthinkingIcouldullJennyoffofthereandbringherbackhomeandfindherarealman。MywifemustvereadmymindbecauseIreceivedsomedisturbinglooksfromher。
TheceremonywasntwhatIdwanted，either。IwantedariestandIgotReverendGoodvibes。ReverendGoodvibessansweringmachineholdsagreetingfromhisdogs。Thisshouldvebeenaredflag，butitwasnotmyweddingasIwasremindedyetagain。ReverendGoodvibeserformedwhatstartedouttobeaniceserviceuntilhewentintohissermon。HecomaredmydaughtersweddingtotheritualthattheQueenofEnglandheldatPrincessDianasfuneral。HewentontosaythatthefuneralwasaritualbecausetheQueendislikedDiana。Whatdidthishavetodowithmydaughterswedding?AgainIheldmytonguesasmywifesqueezedmyhand，tearsflowingdownherface。Shewascryingforjoy。IfIcouldvemustereduatearortwo，theywouldnthavebeentearsofjoy。
Therecetionfollowingwentwell，andnofistfightsensuedasIdexected。Peoledrank，anddrankandNoellecontinuedtoaskmeifIwasleasedwitheverything。Ialwaysnoddedarovinglybecausemywifesstarewasembeddedintothebackofmyheadbynow。Itriedtomakecontactwithmynewson-in-law，Randy。Iwantedtogivehimtheold“youbetterherrightseech”butnooneseemedtoletmegetthatclose。Ialsowantedtohugandkissmydaughterbeforesheleftforherhoneymoon，butshewasswetouttothelimousineIaidforandsedofftothehotelforanightoff-well，Ididntwanttothinkaboutthat。
Afterhandshakesandhugsfromallaround，Ifoundmyotherdaughter，Deanna，eeringuatme。IvealwaysconsideredDeannatobethesuccessfuldaughter。MywifeaccusesmeofthinkingthisonlybecauseDeannaattendsaCatholiccollege。IdjustgivenJennytoamanIdidntknowandtherestoodDeanna，askingmeforadesignerweddingdressandaLondonhoneymoon。
