昔爲人子今爲人父 0nce the n nw the father (第2/8頁)

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Butonthisday，whenIwasseven，myurosewastoseemybestfriend，JimmyHardesty。Hehadntbeeninschoolforthreedays，andhismotherhadsentwordtomyfathersnursethatshejustmightbringJimmyintoseethedoctortoday。

Whenthelastoftheafternoonsatientshadgone，Jimmyhadstillnotarrived。MyfatherandIthenwentofftomakehousecalls。Helikedtohavemewithhim，becausehelikedtotellstorieswhenhedrove。Itwasnearlysevenwhenwefinished。Aswestartedhome，myfathersaidsuddenly，“LetsgouandcheckonoldJimmy。”Ifeltsquirmywithgratitude，certainthatmyfatherwasdoingthisjusttoleaseme。Butwhenwecameinsightoftheoldgraystonehouse，therewasalightintheustairsbackwindowandanotheronthebackorch-theancientbeaconsoftrouble。

Myfatherulledthecarrightintothedooryard。Alice，Jimmysoldersister，camerunningoutofthehouseandthrewherarmsaroundmyfather，cryingandshakingandtryingtotalk。“Oh，Doc。Jimmysdying!Dadschasingalloverthecountylookingforyou。Thankgoodnessyourehere。”

Myfatherneverran。Heusedtosaytherewasnogoodreasontohurry。Ifyouhadtohurry，itwastoolate。ButhetoldAlicetoletgoofhim，andheranthen。Ifollowedthemthroughtheyeasty-smellingkitchenanduthenarrow，darkhallstairs。Jimmywasbreathingveryfastandmadeahigh，airysound。Hehadmoundsofquiltsiledoverhim，sothatIcouldbarelyseehisfaceintheflickeringlightofthekerosenelams。Helookedallwornoutandhisskinglistened。

Hismothersaid，“Oh，Doc。Helus。Itwasjustalittlecold，thenthisafternoonhestartedthisterriblesweat。”

IhadneverseenJimmysmotherwithoutanarononbefore。Shestoodbehindme，bothherhandsonmyshoulders，asmyfatherlistenedtoJimmyschest。Hefixedahyodermicandheldtheneedleutothelight。Iwascertainthatitwasthemiracleweallmusthave。MyfathergaveJimmytheshot。HethengotagauzeadfromhisblackcaseandutitoverJimmysmouth。Hebentoverhimandbegantobreathewithhim。NoonemovedinthatroomandtherewasnoothersoundexcetthesteadyushingofmyfathersbreathandJimmyshigh，wheezingresonse。

Thensuddenlyaslightning，therewastheawfulsoundofmyfathersbreathingalone。Ifelthismothershandstightenonmyshouldersandknew，assheknew，thatsomethinghadsnaed。ButmyfatherketonbreathingintoJimmyslungs。Afteralongtime，Mrs。Hardestywentovertothebed，utherhandonmyfathersarmandsaid，veryquietly，“Hesgone，Doe。Comeaway。Myboysnotwithusanymore。”Butmyfatherwouldnotmove。

Mrs。Hardestytookmebythehandthen，andwewentdowntothekitchen。ShesatinarockerandAlice，lookingasforlornasIveeverseenanybodylook，threwherselfonhermothersla。Iwentoutontotheorchandsatdownonthetosteinthecolddarkness。Iwantednoonetoseeorhearme。

WhenMr。Hardestycamebackandsawourcar，hewentintothehouseandinawhileIcouldhearvoices。Thensilence，thenvoicesagain。Atlastmyfathercameoutside，andIfollowedhimtothecar。Allthelonelywayintotown，hesaidnothingtome。AndIcouldnotrisksayinganythingtohim。TheworldIthoughtIknewlaysunderedinmyheart。Wedidntgohome。Wewenttohisofficeinstead。Hebegangoingthroughhisbooks，lookingforsomethinghemighthavedone。Iwantedtostohim，butIdidntknowhow。Icouldntimaginehowthenightwouldend。Fromtimetotime，allunwilling，Iwouldbegintocryagain。Finally，Iheardsomeoneatthedoorandwentoutthroughtherecetionroom，gratefultowhomeveritmightbe。Newsofthebeginningsandendingsoflifetraveledfarandfastinacommunitylikeours。Mymotherhadcomeforus。

Shekneltdown，huggedme，rubbedthebackofmyhead，andIclungtoher，asIhadnotdonesinceIwasababy。“Oh，Mama，whycouldnthe，whycouldnthe?”Iwetandlaymyheadagainsthershoulder。SherubbedmybackuntilIwasquiet。Thenshesaid，“Yourfatherisbiggerthanyouare，buthessmallerthanlife。Welovehimforwhathecando;wedontlovehimlessforwhathecant。Loveaccetswhatitfinds，nomatterwhat。”