金秋時節 ather autun (第1/5頁)
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SuddenlyIthinkofmyyoungestdaughter，livingnowinAmsterdam。Verysoonshewillcallandask，“Haveyoulantedthebulbsyet?”ThenIwillanswerteasinglythatactuallyImwaitinguntilshecomestohelme。Andthenwewillbothbeovercomebynostalgia，becauseoncewealwaysdidthattogether。Oneentiresunnyautumnafternoon，whenshewasjustoverthreeandahalfyearsold，sheheledmewithalltheenthusiasmandjoyfulnessofherage。
ItwasoneofthelastafternoonsIhadheraroundbecauseherlaceinschoolhadalreadybeenreserved。Shewanderedaroundsohailycarefreewithherlittlebucketandsade，coveringthebulbswithearthandcallingout“Nightnight”or“Sleetight”，herlittlevoicechatteringconstantlyon。Shediscovered“babybulbs”and“kiddiebulbs”and“mummyanddaddybulbs”-thelattersnugglingcozilytogether。Whilewewerebothworkingsoindustriously，Iwatchedmychildverydeliberately。Shewassuchatinything，betweenaninfantandatoddler，withsucharoundlittletummy。
Everyautumn，throughoutherchildhood，wereeatedtheritualoflantingthebulbstogether。AndeveryautumnIsawherchanging;thetoddlerbecameaschoolgirl，astraightforwardrealist，fullofdrive。Neveroncedreamy，herhandsinherockets;nolongerhailyindulgingherfantasies。Theschoolgirldeveloedlonglegs，herjawlinechanged，shehadherhaircut。ItwasautumnagainandIthought“Byeroses;byebutterflies;byeschoolgirl。”Ilistenedtoherstorieswhileweainstakinglyburrowedintheearth，lantingtheromiseofsring。
Suddenly，muchquickerthanIhadexected，atallteenagerwasstandingbymyside;shehadgrowntallerthanI。Theritualbecamerathersilent，wenolongerchatteredawayfromonesubjecttoanother。Ithoughtaboutherroomfullofostersandknick-knacks，howithadbeenfulloftreasuresinbottlesandboxes，whiteebbles，acoerbrooch，coloreddrawings，thetreasuresofachildwhostillknewnothingofmoney，whowantedtobereadaloudtoandwholookedanxiouslyatasiderinherroomandasked，“Wouldhewanttobemyfriend?”
ThencametheautumnwhenIlantedthebulbsalone，andknewthatfromthenonitwouldalwaysbethatway。Buteveryyear，inautumn，shetalksaboutit。Fullofnostalgiaforthesecurityofchildhood，theseclusionofagarden，thefinalmomentsofaseason。Howbothofuswoulddearlylovetohaveatimemachine。Togoback。Justforaday。
我突然想起了自己的小女兒，現在她在阿姆斯特丹生活。她一會兒就會打電話過來問，“你種上洋蔥了嗎？”然後，我就會跟她開玩笑說，事實上，我正等她回來幫我呢。這樣，我倆便雙雙陷入回憶之中，因爲，我們曾經總在整個金秋時節的午後，一起種洋蔥，當她還只有三歲半時，就滿懷孩童的熱情和歡欣來幫我了。
那天午後，她最後一次陪在我身邊，因爲她已經準備上學了。她拿着小桶和鐵鍁無憂無慮、滿心歡喜地走來走去，用土蓋洋蔥時喊着：“晚安”或者“睡覺覺”，稚嫩的聲音嘰嘰喳喳地說個不停。她發現了“洋蔥寶寶”、“小洋蔥”和“洋蔥爸媽”——後者總是偎依在一起。當我們非常賣力地幹活時，我刻意去觀察自己的孩子，她如此嬌小，剛學會走路，挺着一個小圓肚子晃晃悠悠的。
