曾經的一個朋友 abut a at friend (第1/5頁)
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克勞迪婭·杜韋
ClaudiaDuwe
Hewasntaguyofbigwords,andheseemedtoliveentirelyinhisownworld。Irememberthatduringthedaysheworkedwithusnoneofusexactlyknewwhohewas,wherehecamefromorwhathewaslookingfor,andafterwardshedisaeared。Nobodyknewwherehehadgone,whathewasdoingorifhehadfriendsorafamilytostaywith。Iguess,wedidntevenknowhisname—andevenifwedid,Iveforgottenitanyway。
Thosedaysweremorethanhardforallofus。Thereseemedtobenoescaefromthegreynessofoureverydaylifewhichwastheonlycolourthatsurroundedus。Thehugeconcreteblockswelivedinwasgrey,thegreyofthefactorydust,eventhecolourofourclothes,thatoncemighthavebeenwhitewasgrey。Itmusthavebeenabrightandshiningwhite。。。andIcantexactlyrecallhowmuchtimeIsenttryingtoimaginethekindofwhiteitmighthavebeen。SincewhitewasthecolourofthekindofaradiseIsomuchlongedtoliveinsomeday,greyleftbehindnothingmorethanabittertasteofemtinessandderession。IcanrememberhowInoticedonce,thatanyothercolourmustbeasymbolforsomething,afeelingorwhatever。Onlygreyseemedtostandforabsolutelynothing。ThiswastheworldIlivedin,andsodidhe。
Havingourjobinthefactorywasstillluxurythough,consideringthefactthatmostofushadfamiliestofeed。Andnotlongafterhestartedtoworkthere,Iwouldalwaysfindhimworkingatthemachinenexttomine。Wedworkforhoursnexttoeachother,stayingquiet,withourthoughtsdriftingawaytoadifferentlacebutstillawareofourhandsdoingthesamemovementsoverandoveragain。Weweredoingthatuntilthebellwouldringtoendtheworkfortheday。Iusedtoworkinamechanicalway,followingthesamerhythmoverandoveragain,andsodidhe。ButeverytimeIwasabouttogiveu,hewouldlifthisheadandgivemealittlesmile,asifhecouldguessmythoughts。Ithinkitwasactuallyhiseyesthatimressedmemost。Theyweresodarkandstraight,andthoughtheyseemtobehidinganything,Icouldntgetridoftheimressionthatsomehowhemustbehidingsomething。
SinceIfirstsawhim,hehadalwaysbeenaround,andeverytimehegavemeoneofthosesmiles,hewouldsreadabitofwarmthintomyheart,abitoffriendliness。Iguess,attheendofthedayitmusthavebeenhimwhogavemethestrengthtogoonsomehow,justbybeingthere。
Well,tomakealongstoryshort,hediedonlyayearafterhestartedworkingwithus。Itwasacaraccidentandhedidnthavetosufferverylong。Imusthavebeenhisonlyfriendintown,atleastthatwaswhatIthoughtwhenIwenttohisfuneral。TheonlyersonImettherewasanoldlady,maybehismother。Shetoldmethathehadlosthisfamilyjusttheyearbeforeandafterthathedidntseakanymore。Hehadntsaidasingleword。FirstIdidntbelieveher。Ijustthoughtthathewasafairlyquieterson;besidestherewasnothingmuchtosayanyway。ButsuddenlyIrealizedthatIcouldntrecalleverhavingheardhisvoiceatall。OnlythendidIrealizeit!
HegavemesomuchandIknewsolittleabouthim。HehadbeenmyfriendandnowIhadlosthimwithouthavinghadthechancetogiveanythingback。Hehadbeensostrongthathewasabletogivewhateverhadhaened。
Ifeltweakinthosedays。Andguilty。ButafterthatIstartedtocarefortheeolearoundme。IthinkIstartedtolive。
他不會說大話,而且似乎完全活在自己的世界裏。還記得他與我們一起工作的日子裏,沒有人確切地知道他是誰,從哪裏來,在尋找什麼。後來他消失了,沒有人知道他去了哪裏,在做什麼,是否有朋友,或是否和家人一起。我估計我們甚至連他的名字都不知道——就算是聽說過,也記不起來了。